Children Who Witness Violence: A Mother's Resolve
Michelle is a single mother, caring for her 10 year old son, Jaden, and her infant daughter in the peacefulness of their new home. She hasn’t missed a day of work in years, doing her best to provide them with everything that they need. She loves them deeply. She knows that as they grow older they will likely learn the full extent of her sacrifices and the courage that it took for her to drastically change the environment in which they live.
Only a few short years ago, Michelle lived with the father of her children in a home filled with abuse and hateful words. Over the years there would be occasions that the neighbors could not ignore, his verbal abuse and physical violence toward Michelle would escalate and a call would go out to the police.
It was following one of those calls that Susan Weaver, the Program Manager for FrontLine’s Children Who Witness Violence program, first came into their lives. During that first meeting, Susan greeted Michelle and assured her that she was there to help but Michelle was too afraid to trust a social worker and worried that discussing the abuse would lead to Jaden being taken away from her. She would not take that risk.
Over the next several years, Susan continued to contact Michelle whenever the police were called, assuring her that she was not there to judge and that if Michelle wanted to make the decision to leave help was always available to her. Susan was always careful to make contact with Michelle when she was alone, leaving her with information about the cycle of abuse, the short and long term effects on children, and the options available to her. Michelle slowly began to trust Susan. Several months after one of Susan’s visits, Michelle reached out to her for help.
After years of abuse, Michelle recognized that nothing would change in her life, and she suspected that the pain would worsen in severity after she learned that she was now pregnant with their second child. She was terrified for her children. Even though her son Jaden had not suffered physical abuse, she could see how the violence and abuse toward her was impacting him. He had less energy, was avoiding both of his parents, slept more, ate less and kept himself isolated in his room, all signs of depression and trauma. She could no longer allow this to go on; she turned to FrontLine for help. Susan assured her that she and her team would help her create a safe home and life for her children.
Susan immediately sat down with Michelle to assess her family’s immediate needs and safety. They reviewed the family finances together and completed documentation to access food. Susan talked with Michelle about her concerns for her son and learned that he had recently been talking about hurting himself. Michelle was scared. She was expecting her second child, struggling with her own depression while attempting to create a new life for herself and her children. She was so afraid for Jaden but did not know how to help him. What could she do?
Susan met with Michelle and her son. Jaden was quiet and reserved at first, responding to questions with one-word answers. With Michelle’s consent, Susan talked with Jaden privately and learned that he was not only struggling with witnessing the abuse at home but that he was being bullied at school. Susan then reunited with Michelle and her son and helped him share his feelings with his mother and began to discuss possible solutions. Equally important, the mother and son agreed that they could no longer keep secrets from each other and would work together to address challenges. With Susan’s support, Michelle reached out to the school to address the bullying and Jaden began working closely with a FrontLine clinician, receiving trauma-focused counseling to help him manage the mental and emotional stress he was struggling with.
Susan and her team made sure that Michelle and her family had access to help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, inputting the phone number for FrontLine Service’s 24/7 crisis hotline on their phones and placing it on their refrigerator. Susan continued to visit the family on a weekly basis, noting the positive changes in both Michelle and Jaden as they adjusted to a life without the abuse and violence they had lived with for so long. Both Susan and Michelle smiled during one of their weekly meetings when Jaden told them how he couldn’t wait to become a big brother to his new sister.
Now, years after leaving an abusive relationship, Michelle still feels like she accomplished what she once thought was impossible. She and her children now live in a home where there is no shouting or violence. Jaden has found his voice, sharing his feelings with his mother and his excitement about being a big brother. They marvel at how quickly his little sister is growing. Michelle is so grateful for the patience and the assistance that she received from Susan and the Children Who Witness Violence team. Their support and belief in her ability to create change helped her find the strength she needed to make a new safe and secure home a reality for herself and her two children.
This story is based on true events with names, images, and identifying information changed to protect the identity of the individual.